I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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