we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
