Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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