I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I smell stomach acid.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
