Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
