I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
