yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
