So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
