I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
