there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize