i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
