rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you would pick up someone in the library
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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