never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Green mimosas i think yes
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
