I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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