in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
