I CAN MOONWALK!
false alarm. still invincible.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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