I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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