we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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