I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
