If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
