the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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