at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
NoShamevember. You game?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
