why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
