Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
