if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
