I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
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