i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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