Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
