WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
