Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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