The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
