He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
