You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
