okay pat passed out under dana's car
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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