I'm drive I can fine osifer
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
