I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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