I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
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Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
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I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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