Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We need to rekindle our bromance
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
