You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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