We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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