Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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