why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
