i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
