you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
