I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
