Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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