so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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