Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
