He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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