Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize