In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
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I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
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I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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