i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
