Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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