I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
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I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
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I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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