i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize