Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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