He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so let's talk penis.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
