That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
