If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Pants are for mortals
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
there is another microwave in the elevator.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
