She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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