Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
