This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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