Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
