Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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