My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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