:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
