if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
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The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
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there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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