Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
